Why am I crying?

I forgot that I started writing
wow, that's a surprise some who know me well
may say....
I have been sick this ps week
all the kids have been sick at various stages
and HH is out of town for a few weeks
oh...and ofcourse the dishwasher breaks down
and a few fuses blew

I haven't fixed either yet
again..big surprise

but surprisingly I have only cried once
that was 2 days ago
I think it was because a few of the kids are really
working on some new skills

which is-
driving eachother totally insane
there has been a lot of tears
soap in the mouth, tobasco in the mouth

and being confined to the smallest possible space
with the enemy to work it out

sometimes that is just what I have to do
they know what is expected of them
they know the words they have to say
to apologise

pride is the biggest factor ...like always
as to why they can't seem to get apologies out

but a good 15 minutes in a closet or bathroom
with their rival
gives them a lovely chance to work it out themselves
and feel good about their problem solving skills

and I usually am snickering off in a corner
being so thankful that I am not refereeing another match

think about 5 other brains in the house (kids brains that is)
all trying to be more self-centred than the other?

I say.....enjoy eachothers misery!


and back to the crying..........

(this is when I wish was descriptive writer, able to paint a picture of
what I experienced next because my explanation
will not adequately represent my thoughts and feelings)

it was like flood gates had burst open
with overwhelming light rushing and swirling
all around me
I was being swept up into truth
and love and light and healing

I am covered with goosebumps, soaking my cheeks
with tears,
tears of joy and happiness,
trembling like a leaf
but one that is being moved by gentle, loving breezes

I was awestruck and dumbfounded

what is all this? what on earth does it mean?

at the time, in that moment I didn't know
what it all meant

but in that moment I knew one thing
what my friend was sharing
about God about Jesus

was truth

I knew this was the answer to my life
and I didn't even I needed an answer to my life!

his words spoke in to the depths of my soul
like nothing else ever had
and my heart was made complete

in the quiet darkness of my childhood bedroom
lost in a life that left me searching for more
craving more
hoping for more

and here was the answer

Jesus

in that instant my heart changed
my mind changed
my life changed
and I was new

to quote John Newton's song

"Amazing Grace! How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found
Was blind, but now I see."
..............................................................................................

I was lost (though I am not sure I thought that)
until I was found

I was blind because after that moment
I saw the world with new eyes
eyes that were seeing life
the beauty
the purpose in it all
the love that surrounds

I am seeing through the eyes
of Jesus

I am sure that just sounds crazy

but in that moment
when the Holy Spirit spoke through my friend
I was awakened

my spirit was awakened with the truth of
the Gospel (meaning good news)
and who Jesus is

I had a choice.....
like we all do

to believe it or not
to walk with this truth in Christ
or not
and to turn away

we always have a choice
that is why God gave us free will

a will that can choose

like a father who so desperately loves his child
he does not want to force his child to love him in return
what kind of love is that anyway?
(probably not love)
he desires for his child to love him because his child chooses to
because he wants to

and that is like God the father

who gives us, his children
the choice to love him
desire to be with him because
we want to
we need to

it completes our soul


the yearnings to be fully completed
in knowing the all powerfull
unchanging
never failing
always and forever love of Jesus
just the way I am
just where I am at

in that moment
my heart is healed

The Day My Life Changed Forever....

I have often wondered whether I need to write this down

in case one day I forget the details of that day
when I am old and gray and my great grandchildren ask me to tell
the about that day

that day
when I met Him

I should write it down in case I forget
but how can one forget that day?

it is like it happened yesterday

yes, maybe I can't recall exact words and sentences
but I remember where I was

I remember what time of day it was
where I was sitting

on the floor of my darkened room
cross-legged
chatting on the telephone to an old friend


I was just listening to them talk about their life
and the years that had gone by since we last spoke.....


maybe I need to back up a few weeks
to a girlfriends house

to where I first had contact with this old friend of mine

it had been about 5 years since we had last spoken and the first chat
we had was brief but pressing

He told me had had to talk with me
but he couldn't right then that day
he had much to tell me
but it would have to wait until he returned
from a trip

I was like....'okay, this is weird
what could be that important
that after not speaking to me for 5 years
you just had to talk to me now?'

I was hooked though
I was very curious as to what could be
so exciting, so urgent
yet not as urgent to share with me right then......


a few weeks passed, I don't remember
any part of that time,
any details of my life
but now I am up in my room
and he and I are chatting again

he starts telling me
about his life
where he was in it and what was going on
why it wasn't making sense
anymore

I really don't recall much of the specifics of what he said to me
right then
expect the point of it all

the only thing that he was telling me-

he shared with me the moment he met
Christ

where he was
what happened in those moments
what he thought and felt
and overwhelming sensations of it all

sound weird?
to some perhaps it doesn't make sense at all
I totally understand that....... totally

it does sound weird

but in that moment I found myself bawling
I was a wreck
I am weeping and I am not even sure why?

why am I crying?

why am I crying?...................

Why Blog?

I really don't know why....
why do it really?

everyone has their motivation
as to why they do it

wanting to share with friends and family
wanting to reflect
(but why do it publicly?)

wanting to share their life in the hopes
it may encourage others

self gratification

humble brags (my new fav:)

why do I?
at this point,
I am not sure at all

I need to know why I do
what I do
in order to push on
and go forward

but at this point
I can't find good reason for my writings here

they all seem too self-centered
I try and think my words are helpful to someone?

encouraging
hopeful
practical

I have so much to say
so much to express

I can't stand small talk

it feels like I am drowning

I need meaty conversations
I need to know people

who they are
why they do what they do

otherwise I can't make anything make sense

things seem so meaningless to me
when conversations can't go deeper than

your workout at the gym
your next manicure
appointment
what you bought today

and so on......

I just shut off

pathetic of me?
not tolerant enough of me?

life is too short to not talk about
the heart of who we are

what we are learning
in our daily lives

how we are growing
or how we want to grow

what are our struggles
and how are we dealing with them
where is our hope

who are we

so, this blog
which originally started as a place
where I shared recent photography session images

which turned more personal as
I started stepping back from photography

but now find my self unsure as to why
continue

dog parks and kids

we recently got 2 labs (about 8 months ago now)
HH and I have never had dogs
so we were very clueless to the dog world

Ceasar Milan became my hero:)

then came the day when we had to venture
to the.......

dog park!

that strange sub-culture

as a new dog park groupie I was very uneasy
irritated with my doggies because I didn't understand them
at all

why are the doing what they are doing???
pooing and peeing on my things
on everything
all the time
why?

I had so many questions
I was so lost

and goodness, this was a dog not a kid
it doesn't even talk back to you

anyway, while running around like an idiot
trying to beckon my dogs to my side

who clearly had no interest in listening to me
I realized something

there was so much joy from the other dog owners
they loved their dogs

they enjoyed them
they loved playing with them
they really, really liked them

and I wanted some of that!

just being around these folks
their joy rubbed off on me

I was surrounded by people who love their dogs
and I wanted to love mine too!!!

ok..very simplistic I realize
but it paralleled another aspect of my life

who you surround yourself with
greatly impacts you


surround yourself with people who whine and complain
about their kids
their life
their husband (or wife)

it is irritating to say the least

and so hurtful to those people they are gossiping about

I just can't stand it

surrounding yourself with people who truly enjoy their kids
who truly enjoy their husbands or wives
who honor them with their words and actions


you know who they are

and you know who they are not

the bitter people
the eye rollars
the huffers in disgust
the gossips
the meanies

sure , we can all be like this a one point or another

( and I have been in my life
until God got a hold of my heart)

but it is those who live and breathe
that attitude

never realizing there is a different way
a better way

they are choosing all they know
they continue to choose the same ways
see things the same ways
do things the same
and expect different results

how can they ever see a different way if they are never
shown it
taught it
or heard it?

so, hang out people who love their
life
and who they share it with

not by what they do
but by who they are

in some it is fake
a show
maybe hard to see if it is real or not

but there are those who have true joy
that shines
a peace about them
a spirit of love

true joy is only found in Jesus

An oldie with questions

just a quick list of questions from today's conversations on parenting...

are you proactive or reactive?

what do you want your kids to know?

what do you want them to be like?

what are you doing,
what choices are you making to help
steer your kids in those directions?

what character qualities are you trying to grow in your children?

how are you doing that?

A conversstion with the Bloop! (aka the Blu)

a thoroughly enjoyed her we chattering today
and while driving various children to various events
we had this conversation....

BB: Mama, where is my birthday money?

Me: the little money (meaning coins) in the purple bag?

BB: no, the big money (the paper money that was hidden inside
inflated balloons)

Me: I am not sure. Why?

BB: I need it.

Me: Why?

BB: Because I want to buy something.

(Me in my head...really? What could you possibly have to buy? You are 4..
she turned 4 last week)

Me: What do you want to buy?

BB: an Iphone!

I laugh escaped my body....pardon??? (If you know me,
you'll know what tone of voice to say that in)

I suppressed the urge to say "You are 4..NO!"
but I didn't, instead I asked,

Me: Why do you want an Iphone? What will you do with it?

BB: Listen to music.

(another giggle from me...c'mon please....what music do you know?

Me: What music Blu?

Bloop, with a smirk answers...

BB: Angry Birds

Now I don't know music but I was pretty sure that wasn't any band
I knew

I don't play games on my Iphone, I barely know how to call with it

Me: Is that a game?

BB: no (smirk) it is a movie

(sneaky, deceptive child I think)

Tonight I confirm with HH that it is a game...

stinker....

Neurodevelopment Through Movements

Neurodevelopment Through Movement

We have been using this program
for a year or so and I highly recommend
getting it...
highly!!!!

these are sequential movements
activating the brain pathways
for learning and attention span

for kids with Galactosemia
this is an amazing
resource

I also know many other families
who use this program for their children
who are diagnosed with
ADHD
OCD
autism
and others
and have seen HUGE!!!

like..... MASSIVE
changes in their childrens
behaviour, attention span
focus
the stories seriously bring me to tears

we aim to do this program every
morning
it takes about 10-15 minutes
that's it!

I hope this helps someone:)

Wee brothers

waiting for another sibling..
I posted a shot of them with their mama
a posts previous

It is OFFICIAL!!!!!

After 3 years of saying I was going to start our families
cook book

I FINALLY did it!

The kids are going to be posting bi-weekly
(that is a goal I hope will turn into every week)

cooking, photographing and posting
the food we eat

when living with Galactosemia

I hope this helps other families
but the long term goal is to make our posts into
a cook book

a cook book they can take with them
when they leave our home

be able to cook for themselves and eachother

I am so excited to begin this project!!!

www.mygalactosemiacookbook.blogspot.com

august 2010

I suffer from a disease called
computeritis

it flares up now and again
but right now it is flaring

I just want to sit and go through images
gone by and compile and collect
for my book

praying for faithfulness and commitment
(that c word haunts me)

as I struggle with moving onto another project
leaving the original unfinished

computeritis flares in the morning
as my house rises and shines with
the morning light

all the projects that I desire
to put time and energy in

beckon me

even for just 15 minutes
I'd be content

computeritis
is there a pill I can take?

"this is the day that the Lord has made
We will rejoice and be glad in it"

this is the day
this is the day
that the Lord has made:)