a heart burdened

I have to be honest
my heart is burdened
for adoption

so many kids without families
without anyone to love them
who wants them...

burdened I tell you

it has been heavily on my mind
I can't escape it (not that i want to)
but I am always surprised how it grips me
in my days

everyday

the desire to have more kids is huge in my life
and as I have contemplated what my life might look like
a years down the road
I have discovered

we can't go places very easily or cheaply
with 5 kids

activities are expensive, ya know sports
and music and such

but we can do something to make a difference
we can be a family to someone who needs it
we can bring others into our home who don't have one

who cares if we never go anywhere
I don't
or we don't eat out
I don't care
what I care about is loving kids who so desperately
need it

and the burden to do something just keeps getting heavier...

just wanted to share
because maybe my journey will impact someone out there

sweet siblings

more to come....

really interesting blogs

I love reading others blogs
not lots
just a few

love reading the words of well seasoned writers
to bring their life to life:)

the gift of writing is something I do not have
though in grade 4 I did think I was going to live in a loft
in some cool city and be a writer (Or model..lolololololol)

I love the real life realness that comes with blogging

connecting with others life experiences
pondering what life must be like in their shoes

opening doors to lives that I cannot imagine living

it is fascinating
the blogs I chose to read need to be encouraging me
challenging me
to be a better mom, wife, friend
believer....

I love reading blogs from gals who have many kids
like 10 or more

fascinating to me:)

I dream of many kids (there I said it)
many adopted kids
anyone who needs a home really

older ones younger ones
I cannot bear the thought of so many not belonging anywhere
to anyone
no one to love them
everyday

I read recently of a family who had 4 kids and felt the
call the adopt

they received a sibling group of 4

and this mom wrote....
and I paraphrase..

we are not called to save people
we are only called to love them....

maybe you are being called to adopt

by whom?
by the spirit of love
by the I am
by the creator
the healer
the redeemer
the father to the fatherless....

before we loved, He first loved us....

5 day old boo boo girl:)

been gone for 2 weeks
and off again we go ...

quick stop in here,
poor neglected blog:(

the girlies:)

the woke up the other day and put on their dresses
flew out the door to ride bikes
hair unbrushed
dotties whizzing by
glorious summer morning

it was a monday and we were having a break from school

the go-carting pics are from some time last week
Blu has taken off her training wheels and
has quickly mastered her new skill
already doing tricks too!
taking after MJ
she is standing up on her pedals
putting her feet up on her bar
while gliding down hill

I shut my eyes and pray she doesn't crash
when she stops she can't really touch so she jumps off her bike
everytime

too funny

she is the 2nd earliest rider
MJ started riding without training wheels at 3 and a half
little blu is four and a bit
and just as risky

i love it!!!

My heart loves this image

she is daring and risky and has no fear
but people, including me
forgets there is a tender heart inside
and has feelings
and they do get hurt

she is strong and silent
and loves helping little ones
she loves to be included
and loves doing her own thing

this image stopped my heart

time is going too fast
I am so thankful I am home with her
I wouldn't trade a minute!

computer broken

not sure how long it will be until i return:(

Trees in the hood

just in and around my neighborhood
yesterday

I can't stop staring at the trees
texture
and shape
and patterns and symmetry

I am loving the look
of the richness around me

I should of had one of my kiddies
stand beside some of these
monsters to add perspective

they are huge!
and powerful.....

My dear friends' babette:)

ok, tell me she isn't the cutest!!!

I seriously could watch her
suck on her little toy all day!

love you my friend!

Big above the bed

she says

I love big photographs

especially big above the bed!
dreamy sigh

collages and galleries
make my heart happy

I am in awe at ladies
who can pick photos
and frame them and display them
in such inspirational ways

I just dream of doing it

it never actually happens
because I am not organized enough
or maybe I am not busy enough
because I find when I am less busy
less gets done

I can feel H.H. rolling his eyes
at me making excuses:)

A new little fav!

super delish cousins

yum yum!

too bad they live soooooooooo
far away,
we miss them so much!

The Buddy in January 2011

I am starting to go through pictures
in order to try and be more organized
BA HAHAHAHA

trying to post more of my daily life

BA HAHAHAHAHA

a gal can try right?

Birthday Bike and dress and shoes

wanted to post her pose she chose
to remember herself and her new bike

new dress and purple shoes

she usually gets the hand me downs
from the other children

but this time

she got her very own bike
had her first official birthday party
and she did something special
for someone else on her birthday

.......I will return
hopefully with the video to go with it!

a life of self sacrifice

kisses from katie

this is a blog I have been following
for a year maybe

I read her posts to our kids

in awe of her life
her self-sacrifice
her heart

it humbles me beyond words

thought provoking
raw
real
and bleeding with love

that words cannot truly describe

she is beautiful

quick Chore thought

the hardest part in chore training
is the training of the heart
while doing to chores

anyone can take out the trash
wash the dishes
clean their room

but how many can do it
joyfully
with thanksgiving
and a selfless heart?

so when my kids are doing their work
I look at the attitude
with which they did their task

and praise that!

yes we want a job well done
within reason of their skill set

I try and focus on the positive
attitude we are aiming for
while doing the job

thankfulness, joy, patience
self-control

not the negative ones
anger, bitterness, resentment
self-centredness



I find giving them the positive
heart attitude
helps them focus on what
they are trying to achieve:)

hth

Encouraging Others

Isn't it so nice when someone encourages you?

Maybe just out of the blue
or in conversation?

I don't think we can ever over dose on
encouragement

so many are so lonely
or don't have much support in
their lives

and desperately need it

sometimes
it is our spouses that need it
the most

I was challenged long ago
to make encouragement
apart of our marriage

our daily conversations

just words or affirmation
like:
I appreciate all that you do, how hard you
work for our family

how dedicated you are to
your family
and the people you work with

etc....

it takes thoughtfulness
and eyes that are open to see
how hard our partners do work

words that build one another up
not tear eachother down

but the other part is
giving these words without ever expecting
them in return
that is not the point
or giving them in the first place

I think this is apart of loving
and serving our partner
in a self-sacrificing way

I think early on in our marriage
I wanted affirmation

I was expecting it
and when you expect it
I think we can get let down very easily

the perspective I needed to learn is one from the heart
I needed God's perspective

I say these words
I encourage my husband

because I want to
because I want to build him up

I am commanded to love my husband

not just when it feels good for me
not just when it is convenient
not just when it is easy

but everyday
dying to myself to serve

(I try to write a light hearted kind of post
and this is what it turns into)

my point I was meaning to make was this

I used to get my knickers in a knot

'what about me
what about what I need?'

I can't control my husband
I am only responsible for myself and my actions

as he is his own....


but thankfully
the Lord commands and holds
both men and women to the same standards

to love and serve one anther

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit
but in humility consider others better than yourself"

Phillipians 2:3

build one another up

you are only destroying yourself
when you don't ....

you hold
the power to tear them down
or build them up



end note!!!!!

I had to add this in here as H.H read it and was
concerned I didn't feel like he encouraged me
enough...lolololol

I re-read my post
and I guess i can see what he means

that it sounds like he doesn't encourage me
and is not true, he does encourage me daily
(even when I've had a stinky attitude)

but that is not the point I was making

more like
what happens if we don't get encouraged
when WE want it
or HOW WE want it
or the WAY WE want it

(some of this is communication
between a couple)

ok, my head is spinning too fast to explain

but at the end of the day

give encouragement!!!!
regardless of what the other does

What makes a good blog person?

Note about the pic..

she asked me to write this note to go on top
of the snow mountain in our court.....

sigh:)

...................................................................................

I enjoy reading many blogs
and yes, lots of them are written by moms

a lot of them are Christian moms too
just because we have the same out look on life

I love hearing what their days look like

it is helpful and inspiring to me

but what i have noticed is that some gals
sound so preachy
so legalistic and self righteous

it is such a fine line
the mothering business
this LIFE business really:)

sometimes I wonder is it because
they don't have enough mothering experience
that they come across as so know-it-ally?

I know 2 families with 8 kids
one very legalistic
following the law and the letter
the rules and systems

and the other
seems to live by the spirit
more in the moment
full of grace
and mercy

but generally the more kids
these families have
the more experience they have
with more personality types
more issues to be changed by
just more experience

and i think they do know that
just by sheer #'s we can't police
that many kids
(and we shouldn't want to police)
but be a guide instead

(one can police kids when there are fewer of them)
doesn't make it right though

and again
the family with a couple of kids
can also live by rules and laws
and one can live by the Holy Spirit's leading



ok, maybe i just answered my own thoughts
ha
living by the leading of the Holy Spirit
frees us up to live and love in the moment of
our experiences

to feel the gentle tugs on our souls, to help us discern
in the minutes of our days
what to do
what to say
where to go

there isn't a list of rules to follow
that we are bound to
(praise God for that)

but to live with the law written upon our hearts and minds

I realize this is vague

but i was trying to figure out what rubbed me the wrong way
when reading some of these womens blogs

I surely hope I don't come across like a know at all
preachy pickle

I can only share what I do and why
but my knowledge comes the Bible and other wise women and men

I guess I just want to share the helpful
bits I have found in my parenting experience

my focus is
my heart and the kids heart in all of it

in our days in this life

each kids is different
each situation is different and has different dynamics
and needs

God has given us a brain to think
not follow the rules in the magazine
so
study your kids
study yourself
some parts of ourselves we can change (like how we respond
what we believe, how we see the world)

and some we can't
(shy or outgoing perhaps)

I try not to box myself in
or my kids in

in a box that I think they should be in

I asked Hot Husband if he could remember this quote
from C.S. Lewis (nope, he can't:(

let me paraphrase

"God is not working in your life yesterday
He is not working in your life tomorrow
but He is working in your life today, and it is in these moments
right now, that He can change you.

(something like that...sorry C.S.)


"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other,
just as Christ forgave you."

Ephesians 4:32

Been Gone and then some

Been gone for a while as I haven't been able to get on line
on my computer

been wanting to write so many things
like

chore ideas that help my life

my transformational story of forgiveness( I will have to tell that one)

parenting tips that have helped me

books that I've read recently

but parenting is where my brain currently resides in
at this time

I really can't escape it
(not that I am trying)

I am just saying
sometimes I wonder if I need to be thinking of something else?

I think like any job, if you want to get better at it
you study you job/craft
to train with someone who has been there
who is wise

you know
I read this entry tonight and i wanted to share
because it is so encouraging to moms and dads!

please take the time to read it

http://www.itakejoy.com/first-time-obedience-really/

Why am I crying?

I forgot that I started writing
wow, that's a surprise some who know me well
may say....
I have been sick this ps week
all the kids have been sick at various stages
and HH is out of town for a few weeks
oh...and ofcourse the dishwasher breaks down
and a few fuses blew

I haven't fixed either yet
again..big surprise

but surprisingly I have only cried once
that was 2 days ago
I think it was because a few of the kids are really
working on some new skills

which is-
driving eachother totally insane
there has been a lot of tears
soap in the mouth, tobasco in the mouth

and being confined to the smallest possible space
with the enemy to work it out

sometimes that is just what I have to do
they know what is expected of them
they know the words they have to say
to apologise

pride is the biggest factor ...like always
as to why they can't seem to get apologies out

but a good 15 minutes in a closet or bathroom
with their rival
gives them a lovely chance to work it out themselves
and feel good about their problem solving skills

and I usually am snickering off in a corner
being so thankful that I am not refereeing another match

think about 5 other brains in the house (kids brains that is)
all trying to be more self-centred than the other?

I say.....enjoy eachothers misery!


and back to the crying..........

(this is when I wish was descriptive writer, able to paint a picture of
what I experienced next because my explanation
will not adequately represent my thoughts and feelings)

it was like flood gates had burst open
with overwhelming light rushing and swirling
all around me
I was being swept up into truth
and love and light and healing

I am covered with goosebumps, soaking my cheeks
with tears,
tears of joy and happiness,
trembling like a leaf
but one that is being moved by gentle, loving breezes

I was awestruck and dumbfounded

what is all this? what on earth does it mean?

at the time, in that moment I didn't know
what it all meant

but in that moment I knew one thing
what my friend was sharing
about God about Jesus

was truth

I knew this was the answer to my life
and I didn't even I needed an answer to my life!

his words spoke in to the depths of my soul
like nothing else ever had
and my heart was made complete

in the quiet darkness of my childhood bedroom
lost in a life that left me searching for more
craving more
hoping for more

and here was the answer

Jesus

in that instant my heart changed
my mind changed
my life changed
and I was new

to quote John Newton's song

"Amazing Grace! How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found
Was blind, but now I see."
..............................................................................................

I was lost (though I am not sure I thought that)
until I was found

I was blind because after that moment
I saw the world with new eyes
eyes that were seeing life
the beauty
the purpose in it all
the love that surrounds

I am seeing through the eyes
of Jesus

I am sure that just sounds crazy

but in that moment
when the Holy Spirit spoke through my friend
I was awakened

my spirit was awakened with the truth of
the Gospel (meaning good news)
and who Jesus is

I had a choice.....
like we all do

to believe it or not
to walk with this truth in Christ
or not
and to turn away

we always have a choice
that is why God gave us free will

a will that can choose

like a father who so desperately loves his child
he does not want to force his child to love him in return
what kind of love is that anyway?
(probably not love)
he desires for his child to love him because his child chooses to
because he wants to

and that is like God the father

who gives us, his children
the choice to love him
desire to be with him because
we want to
we need to

it completes our soul


the yearnings to be fully completed
in knowing the all powerfull
unchanging
never failing
always and forever love of Jesus
just the way I am
just where I am at

in that moment
my heart is healed

The Day My Life Changed Forever....

I have often wondered whether I need to write this down

in case one day I forget the details of that day
when I am old and gray and my great grandchildren ask me to tell
the about that day

that day
when I met Him

I should write it down in case I forget
but how can one forget that day?

it is like it happened yesterday

yes, maybe I can't recall exact words and sentences
but I remember where I was

I remember what time of day it was
where I was sitting

on the floor of my darkened room
cross-legged
chatting on the telephone to an old friend


I was just listening to them talk about their life
and the years that had gone by since we last spoke.....


maybe I need to back up a few weeks
to a girlfriends house

to where I first had contact with this old friend of mine

it had been about 5 years since we had last spoken and the first chat
we had was brief but pressing

He told me had had to talk with me
but he couldn't right then that day
he had much to tell me
but it would have to wait until he returned
from a trip

I was like....'okay, this is weird
what could be that important
that after not speaking to me for 5 years
you just had to talk to me now?'

I was hooked though
I was very curious as to what could be
so exciting, so urgent
yet not as urgent to share with me right then......


a few weeks passed, I don't remember
any part of that time,
any details of my life
but now I am up in my room
and he and I are chatting again

he starts telling me
about his life
where he was in it and what was going on
why it wasn't making sense
anymore

I really don't recall much of the specifics of what he said to me
right then
expect the point of it all

the only thing that he was telling me-

he shared with me the moment he met
Christ

where he was
what happened in those moments
what he thought and felt
and overwhelming sensations of it all

sound weird?
to some perhaps it doesn't make sense at all
I totally understand that....... totally

it does sound weird

but in that moment I found myself bawling
I was a wreck
I am weeping and I am not even sure why?

why am I crying?

why am I crying?...................

Why Blog?

I really don't know why....
why do it really?

everyone has their motivation
as to why they do it

wanting to share with friends and family
wanting to reflect
(but why do it publicly?)

wanting to share their life in the hopes
it may encourage others

self gratification

humble brags (my new fav:)

why do I?
at this point,
I am not sure at all

I need to know why I do
what I do
in order to push on
and go forward

but at this point
I can't find good reason for my writings here

they all seem too self-centered
I try and think my words are helpful to someone?

encouraging
hopeful
practical

I have so much to say
so much to express

I can't stand small talk

it feels like I am drowning

I need meaty conversations
I need to know people

who they are
why they do what they do

otherwise I can't make anything make sense

things seem so meaningless to me
when conversations can't go deeper than

your workout at the gym
your next manicure
appointment
what you bought today

and so on......

I just shut off

pathetic of me?
not tolerant enough of me?

life is too short to not talk about
the heart of who we are

what we are learning
in our daily lives

how we are growing
or how we want to grow

what are our struggles
and how are we dealing with them
where is our hope

who are we

so, this blog
which originally started as a place
where I shared recent photography session images

which turned more personal as
I started stepping back from photography

but now find my self unsure as to why
continue

dog parks and kids

we recently got 2 labs (about 8 months ago now)
HH and I have never had dogs
so we were very clueless to the dog world

Ceasar Milan became my hero:)

then came the day when we had to venture
to the.......

dog park!

that strange sub-culture

as a new dog park groupie I was very uneasy
irritated with my doggies because I didn't understand them
at all

why are the doing what they are doing???
pooing and peeing on my things
on everything
all the time
why?

I had so many questions
I was so lost

and goodness, this was a dog not a kid
it doesn't even talk back to you

anyway, while running around like an idiot
trying to beckon my dogs to my side

who clearly had no interest in listening to me
I realized something

there was so much joy from the other dog owners
they loved their dogs

they enjoyed them
they loved playing with them
they really, really liked them

and I wanted some of that!

just being around these folks
their joy rubbed off on me

I was surrounded by people who love their dogs
and I wanted to love mine too!!!

ok..very simplistic I realize
but it paralleled another aspect of my life

who you surround yourself with
greatly impacts you


surround yourself with people who whine and complain
about their kids
their life
their husband (or wife)

it is irritating to say the least

and so hurtful to those people they are gossiping about

I just can't stand it

surrounding yourself with people who truly enjoy their kids
who truly enjoy their husbands or wives
who honor them with their words and actions


you know who they are

and you know who they are not

the bitter people
the eye rollars
the huffers in disgust
the gossips
the meanies

sure , we can all be like this a one point or another

( and I have been in my life
until God got a hold of my heart)

but it is those who live and breathe
that attitude

never realizing there is a different way
a better way

they are choosing all they know
they continue to choose the same ways
see things the same ways
do things the same
and expect different results

how can they ever see a different way if they are never
shown it
taught it
or heard it?

so, hang out people who love their
life
and who they share it with

not by what they do
but by who they are

in some it is fake
a show
maybe hard to see if it is real or not

but there are those who have true joy
that shines
a peace about them
a spirit of love

true joy is only found in Jesus

An oldie with questions

just a quick list of questions from today's conversations on parenting...

are you proactive or reactive?

what do you want your kids to know?

what do you want them to be like?

what are you doing,
what choices are you making to help
steer your kids in those directions?

what character qualities are you trying to grow in your children?

how are you doing that?

A conversstion with the Bloop! (aka the Blu)

a thoroughly enjoyed her we chattering today
and while driving various children to various events
we had this conversation....

BB: Mama, where is my birthday money?

Me: the little money (meaning coins) in the purple bag?

BB: no, the big money (the paper money that was hidden inside
inflated balloons)

Me: I am not sure. Why?

BB: I need it.

Me: Why?

BB: Because I want to buy something.

(Me in my head...really? What could you possibly have to buy? You are 4..
she turned 4 last week)

Me: What do you want to buy?

BB: an Iphone!

I laugh escaped my body....pardon??? (If you know me,
you'll know what tone of voice to say that in)

I suppressed the urge to say "You are 4..NO!"
but I didn't, instead I asked,

Me: Why do you want an Iphone? What will you do with it?

BB: Listen to music.

(another giggle from me...c'mon please....what music do you know?

Me: What music Blu?

Bloop, with a smirk answers...

BB: Angry Birds

Now I don't know music but I was pretty sure that wasn't any band
I knew

I don't play games on my Iphone, I barely know how to call with it

Me: Is that a game?

BB: no (smirk) it is a movie

(sneaky, deceptive child I think)

Tonight I confirm with HH that it is a game...

stinker....

Neurodevelopment Through Movements

Neurodevelopment Through Movement

We have been using this program
for a year or so and I highly recommend
getting it...
highly!!!!

these are sequential movements
activating the brain pathways
for learning and attention span

for kids with Galactosemia
this is an amazing
resource

I also know many other families
who use this program for their children
who are diagnosed with
ADHD
OCD
autism
and others
and have seen HUGE!!!

like..... MASSIVE
changes in their childrens
behaviour, attention span
focus
the stories seriously bring me to tears

we aim to do this program every
morning
it takes about 10-15 minutes
that's it!

I hope this helps someone:)

Wee brothers

waiting for another sibling..
I posted a shot of them with their mama
a posts previous

It is OFFICIAL!!!!!

After 3 years of saying I was going to start our families
cook book

I FINALLY did it!

The kids are going to be posting bi-weekly
(that is a goal I hope will turn into every week)

cooking, photographing and posting
the food we eat

when living with Galactosemia

I hope this helps other families
but the long term goal is to make our posts into
a cook book

a cook book they can take with them
when they leave our home

be able to cook for themselves and eachother

I am so excited to begin this project!!!

www.mygalactosemiacookbook.blogspot.com

august 2010

I suffer from a disease called
computeritis

it flares up now and again
but right now it is flaring

I just want to sit and go through images
gone by and compile and collect
for my book

praying for faithfulness and commitment
(that c word haunts me)

as I struggle with moving onto another project
leaving the original unfinished

computeritis flares in the morning
as my house rises and shines with
the morning light

all the projects that I desire
to put time and energy in

beckon me

even for just 15 minutes
I'd be content

computeritis
is there a pill I can take?

"this is the day that the Lord has made
We will rejoice and be glad in it"

this is the day
this is the day
that the Lord has made:)

It was her birthday

4 months ago!
I meant to get around and post something from that day

she got a new bike!
and here she is doing tricks as usual

it is in her, born to be a daring
and thrill seeking

I love it but of course

it scares me to death
when I think of the future

she stuck skiis on last year for the first time
and just went, off like a shot!

I showed her how to stop
she got the feel for it
and that was it
she was skiing hard and fast
even on the rope tow

seriously though
she was on the chair by lunch

a girl after my own heart:)

Baby #3 on the way

I would love to post more once I get permission
this shot is one of my favs

just a wee moment
while waiting to get some more shots

and the eldest leans in for a kiss

what mother doesn't sigh with this sweet
unscripted show of affection

as moms in these early days
with ones so young
we are tested so greatly
in all areas of our hearts and souls

parenting takes a lot of work
blood, sweat and tears

don't walk away from it and be defeated
get some new plans of attack in place
talk to wise women and men for counsel and guidance

parenting is hard at all stages
just a different type of hard

my bubble burst when I found out that it is not true
that it gets easier when they get older

the problems can just get bigger (if you don't deal with them when they are little)
but don't give up because you don't know what to do

for me
God lays it all out there
all the answers to every question
every parenting question

its there
go see Proverbs ( I love reading Proverbs
it is so encouraging and helpful and gives so much direction
in child rearing!)

the Bible is really the first
"Parenting Magazine"

breastfeeding is even mentioned in it..ha ha


"We also have joy with our troubles
because we know that these troubles produce patience.
And patience produces character, and character produces hope.
And this hope will never disappoint us, because God has poured out his love
to fill our hearts."

Romans 5:3-5

MJ

Children are a blessing from the Lord
not a burden

sometimes my attitude toward them is a burden
weighing me down

my selfishness is burden
getting in the way of living freely

but they, the peeps in my life are not a burden

that is my perspective
not my own thoughts

but a truth I learned in scripture
(about 5 years ago)

because once I did think they were a burden
I kept trying to pull away from them
do my own thing
just squeeze them in when I wanted

I am not saying this doesn't mean we don't take time
for ourselves
to take a breath and take a break

but my attitude was so self-centered
and I was convicted one day in prayer

I felt like God showed me my attitude I was having
towards them
and taught me His attitude He wanted me to strive for
to seek after

a daily choice to see my life
with them in all moments
a blessing
that God is using to grow and shape me
in His image

I fail daily, constantly, sometimes moment by moment

but rather than pushing them away
I am drawing them closer

to learn and to grow

(even if it is after I've locked them in the bathroom
to duke it out amoungst themselves:)

In color?

not sure why the pic up top is low resolution
tried color

I think I like it

here is to a weekend of fun

a wee birthday party for the Blu
and night away in wintery white cottage country for the Bubs
rollar skating with friends with the girls
(breaking out the leg warmers)

out door hockey game for the Buddy
the Blu is already in tears that she can't go this instant

and lots of laundry

if I get off track even for one day it quickly
backs up and take on a life if its own


Laundry Schedule

Mon: Bubs
Tues: the Buddy
Wed...extras
Thurs. all the girls
Fri: Me
Sat: Hot Husband

The Buddy has almost graduated to doing
his all on his own

I do have to supervise a little
as once he put his dirty clothes into the dryer
and was about to add soap!

we are still working...lol